不要伤害我

Dream

有些人很关心我，但是我觉得他很烦。
有些人对我很好，但是他却忽冷忽热。

有时候很绝望，很想放弃，但是又不能面对眼前的现实，所以一直在做梦。
一直在逃避，可是发现无路可逃。
这时候，感觉很糟。

唯一可以做的就是继续祷告。

我希望这场梦回成真。

不要爱上我

邂逅

在错的时空遇上对的人
虽然仰望同一片天空
我却看不到星星

乱

再好的东西，都有失去的一天。再深的记忆，也有淡忘的一天。再爱的人，也有远走的一天。再美的梦，也有苏醒的一天。该放弃的决不挽留。——莎士比亚

Keeping My Angel Close

Chris Medina - What Are Words

Anywhere you are, I am near

Anywhere you go, I’ll be there

Anytime you whisper my name, you’ll see

How every single promise I keep

Cuz what kind of guy would I be

If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words

If you really don’t mean them

When you say them

What are words

If they’re only for good times

Then they don’t

When it’s love

Yeah, you say them out loud

Those words, They never go away

They live on, even when we’re gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me

And I know I’m meant to be where I am

And I’m gonna be

Standing right beside her tonight

And I’m gonna be by your side

I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words

If you really don’t mean them

I’m forever keeping my angel close

彻底瓦解。深夜无人过问。

1307

wow. I am not in very good condition.

I might fall ill anytime from now.

Sad.

Please don't.

I hate this kind of feeling.

I am gushing as much water as possible down my throat.

Bad luck struck. Sometimes. Just sometimes.

I was flipping through Amway Feb mag and found that a few pages had fortunately sticked together.

Fortunate enough that they were the pages I would like to skip. Haha.

Anyway, nothing much special that interest me.

Woooh. Time to dress up and get to work.

Hahhahah.

Nah.

Being attractive at work (at most of the time indeed) is a charity.

Make yourself lively as well as others. Haha. Isn't that good?!!

I say it is. Indeed. Great.

Great Day Ahead!!!

光辉岁月

有的时候，有些人与事都已变迁，都已失去当初美好的意义。

这个时候，除了放手，应该没有其他更好的选择。

但是，也正因为松开的手，退后的步伐，能够朝另一个更美丽的方向迈开脚步。

只有真正体会过过的人才能理解。

我真的没有哭  流下的不是泪  那只是用心过  受重伤的汗水
我真的没有哭  你就狠心走吧  就别再对我好  又借给我眼泪

 “重伤的汗水”  -  周杰伦

有太多不在乎的事，让自己自由自在。

每天都可以听到秋兴唱歌，这就是一种幸福。

不需要有史努比的夜晚，我有小白， 虽然我不太爱理睬它。

美丽的旋律总是环绕着梦，让第一个晨曦发光发亮。

当地球正在转动，我逆向行驶，让它不停回到原点。

Roger 说：如果自己相信自己辦得到的話...對於接踵而至的挑戰與挫折都必須勇敢去面對了！少了家人的祝福有時會更覺得孤單！但逐夢成長的路本來就是得靠自己！我常說“賭氣”跟“爭氣”是大不同的！切記逐夢的過程也不要把自己搞得遍體鱗傷...知所進退也是人生一大學問啊！！

看不清楚前方的时候，就掀开窗帘。

沿着最光亮的速光就能穿越很多美好光年。

Roger 又说：懂得藏拙，才能发亮。

当宇宙陷入一片黑暗，唯有自己的光耀能照亮夜的黑。

努力充实自己，提升智慧，不盲目地、制式地完成生活，才是品味人生。

Today, well lived,

make tomorrow

                                        A Vision of Hope

不一样的月光

深夜的 K 好 high。

好久没那样洒脱。

哈哈。

不一样的晚上。

最近开博了。

不是说有很多朋友。

其实都没朋友使用微博。

更想是偷窥吧！哈哈！

在志琳的微博看见两个我满赞同的星座星语。

最专一的星座：魔竭座榜上有名哦！虽然是第五名啦。

然后是星座忘情的时间：魔竭座是三个月呢！我觉得还不需要呢！哈哈。

最近也有看那个张惠妹代班主持第五季超级星光大道。

本来就很喜欢她嘛，看了她主持更喜欢了耶！！

看她亲切对待每个人好窝心，好感动哦！！

我都偷偷拭泪！！

她人好好噢！

最近的生活好像没那么闷了。

都有找事情做。虽然大多时间在微博偷窥啦。

觉得他变回以前的他耶。蛮开心的！！

但是另一个他呢却很冷哦，难搞的！

明天要见到两个大不同的他和他，我又得择言。

做人难欸。

展望美好的明天！！

送自己一首歌，好听，真诚，帅，吾爱！！

（发觉自己说话有越来越像高山族）。。。无语

OPERA-tion

Tomorrow I am going to accompany and help a person who is dear to me for her admission and operation.

She gave me hope when I can't see any.

So I shouldn't be saying no when she needs my help.

I think she is nervous somehow but I do not know how to relief her emotion.

I am not very good in those.

I wanted to give words of encouragement to her very much but I remained silent.

Because I fear that it might not help at all.

So what I gonna do is I gonna be by her side tomorrow and hopefully on the day of operation itself.

I know it is gonna be all fine for me but I simply cannot say that it will be all fine for her.

Although the operation does not have much risk, but I do know the feeling of anxiety when one lies on the operation table, waiting to be operated.

Yea, that kind of don't-cut-me feeling.

So goodluck!! I am here with you!!

过客

我想此时我已经可以完全放下，永远跟那段时间 say goodbye.

需要太大的勇气与牺牲。

所以，我会想说跟我一样的那一些人，我要给他们奉劝。

在一切还没太晚的时候。

要立即抽离，保护自己，稳定情绪。

虽然有时还是有一些小感伤，因为当初坠得太深。

我说啊，这才是多愁善感的艺人。

现在会觉得说要比较勇敢一点，要忠于自己的想法。

想要得，想做的，就踏出去。

就算脚很短，步伐很小。

应该没有人能够改变或阻挡前路，因为我觉得我很多时候是很倔强的。

倔强是因为说我必须一个人独自走向未来，不管有没有未来。

路的两旁除了会有树遮荫，也有好多旁观的人，嘲讽的人，鼓励的人。

决定了的就不必承诺。

不想听到的就不必去听。

不想见到的就不需要看到。

管她满口道理还是整口荒塘。

大多数都是谎言吧。

我想送她一面镜子。

管她抬举自己的专业。

管他人敬爱她的虚伪。

我不需要说得太多。

因为他人都瞎了，好惨。

更何况没有把她放在心上的必要。

没有在心上的，不能喜欢她，更不能讨厌她。

因为心里根本容不下她。

就好像默不出声并不代表原谅。　

有些人爱说话，爱说道理。

但是我从来没有喜欢听。

我没有给她反应的必要，因为我准备好她说完的下一秒，就会统统忘掉。

就算我孤独，就算我寂寞，我不需要她。

我的生命我来决定谁能走进来，不轮到你侵入。

好了，既然是从来不是不重要，更不是重要的人，又何必为这生命中的过客说太多。

只是我心又不甘。

下一个过客，请领号码排队，谢谢！！

昨天的昨天的昨天

听动力火车的歌，感触很深。

总觉得是两把好声音，可是又有谁能与时代巨轮逆向行驶？

需要改变吧。

不只是音乐和歌路，连很棒的唱腔和造型都得改变。

世界越走在尖端，味道就在那急促的脚步中慢慢消失。

就好像四川麻辣面来到大马要减少辛辣的味道，迎合当地人的口味。

纯粹的摇滚梦要加上很多崇洋的元素，rap 啦，heavy metal 啦，western style 唱腔。

这样多元化的音乐才会有市场，才会进入十大唱片 billboard。

就连我深爱多年的亚洲小天王，周杰伦，在新歌里也要有 oh yeah, baby。

从前的杰伦完全非常坚持华人音乐的理念，歌词里完全没有一句外来语。

现在连小天王也得向跑得快得像子弹列车的世界妥协，做出改变。

在动力火车的 “我不知道” 里就有一句很应景的词：破碎的梦我想要 一刹那也好 。　
很纯粹，也很天真。


在他们的歌声里，总是有很多莫名的感动。


感动归感动，还是要活在现实。


听他们的歌，除了惋惜还是惋惜。


电话没有响起，我还是可以过得很好。


我的生活不一定要很充实，只要很真实。


回到最原始的那种感觉还是最好的。


没有得过且过的奢求，只有真诚地希望能得到肯定与共鸣。


不需要有人陪的生活，一个人看电影也是一种享受。


一个人听情歌也会很感动。


张惠妹唱情歌厉害的地方莫过于她那恰到好处的演绎方式，让泪水在眼眶打转，却没有掉出
来。


明天的明天的明天，时间一样转动，拜祭昨天的昨天的昨天，将她埋葬于黄土。


敬她一杯，向前迈开步伐。

动力火车 - 我不知道

我不问回头的路如果流浪是爱你唯一的路 
我不问爱你的苦如果放逐爱你该受的苦 
就算我不服我也不能做主  
这段情早就是你一人呼风唤雾  
既然已注定输 我不如不清楚 

一翻身都是浪潮思念淹得我呼吸都要求饶  
连回忆都像孤舟飘摇一想你心啊就要触礁 
其实你给我的爱是个手铐  
让我这心被掏空的人有个囚牢 
再也不要谁来解套 情愿为你受尽煎熬 

我不哭 我不笑 我不好 也不逃  
爱无救药我都不知道 
我醉了 我还要 梦碎了 醒不了  
你还欠我一个拥抱 

就算天  
要我哭 要我笑 要我疯 要我逃  
逃到哪里我也不知道 
心没了 落幕了 风冰了 你走了  

破碎的梦我还想要 一刹那也好 

雨打在我的脸上 泪水忍不住也逃出眼眶  
往事一一呐喊 是你要我陪你直到天荒  
你怎能全忘 将我葬在别人身上

埋葬昨天 前天

有的时候，当到了该放手的时候，往往不容许说我们去紧紧纠缠。

当看清了骗局，却还会质疑。

手放开了以后，心还在那里兜圈子。

明知道是错的，没有改变的余地，还天真想会发生奇迹。

晴天过后的雨天，每次让人措手不及。

晾晒的衣服被雨淋湿，来不及收回来。

当衣服干了，还有一阵阵雨水的味道。

笑自己的无知烂漫，像彩虹调侃微笑。

要我哭，要我笑，要我疯，要我逃，逃到哪里我也不知道。

破碎的梦我还想要，一刹那也好。

最痛的，不是放手，而是不得不放手。

Re-surrection

Sometimes I need some time to think. A moment to get inside my emotion in order to face the problem and find a solution. A common name for this moment is the "emo- time". Everyone has that emo moment, but we handle it in different way. Everyone sees things in their own point of view. All of us have our own maze of life to go through.

During the emo season, our lives tend to come up with all kinds of troubles and misfortunes. Like the cables of your desktop at home all tangled up. All you try to do is untangle them but find it too impossible then wish to cut them apart but decided to just leave it because cutting them apart is simply out of mind. As you leave the cables entangled, the condition becomes worse and worse. Finally, you will not be able to untangle it anymore except cutting them apart.

This is life. Our lives do get entangled sometimes. Most of the time I will say. Before I want it cut, I will always put my head in and try to untangle all the problems in life. However, sometimes when I am too in it, I tend to act a little bit extreme. In other word, too negative in thinking. I will think that the whole world is hopeless and I am nobody here. Like coming to this world is a total mistake. Like tsunami will strike anytime and that's it. Goodbye.

As a matter of fact, emo strikes countless times but I had never experienced tsunami and the world is still standing. KLCC is still in sight everytime I reach KL. In fact, tsunami will never strike Malaysia, specifically, Kuantan - The Salted Fish Town.

If it happens, all the salted fish are gone. No more mui heong ham yu for my aunt from Singapore neither do ham yu chao fan ever exist for me to order nor ham yu tauhu from Hak Yi Gai.What's worst is no more Malaysia movie scene at Beserah kampung featuring the hamyu there so no one will visit Beserah kampung just because it came out in the movie.

When I try to think this way, positively, sometimes I still feel very bad. Like why must I always be the one who is considering and not others. But I never to give up to think positively although it doesn't serve me well most of the time. Like you never gonna give up eating KFC just because the hybrid the chickens. When I keep thinking like that, I realised something. One can always easily pick things up, but when it is time to let go, one grasp things tighter than before. Just like you never let go of the string in tug-of-war until your opponents pull you over. 

However, if you don't want to get hurt, you need to learn to let go when you know that you are about to be pulled over. Nobody is going nurse your wound when you fell down and injured except for yourself.

There are things in life that you need to face all on your own. Your family and friends might be very concern about you but they simply cannot help you. They can just give you strength to go on. Spare you shoulders when you cry, lend you ears when you need to talk.

In the end, it is us that determine when there is sunshine. I already found my sunshine.

等待...

雨又开始下，这个夜晚还有我在等待曙光的来临。

真正痛的感觉，一次就已经很足够。

成功闯进上锁的内心世界，劫走一切情感。

人类的心是个无底洞。

当你往下掉的时候，往往不知道何时才会跌到谷底，但是心已经在谷底隐隐作痛。

当你跌得头破血流，没有人愿意同情你。

同情你的人往往是带着面具来到你眼前，伸出一双手。

面具四面楚歌包围你，让你无处可躲。

你开始四处逃亡，但是找不到出口。

呐喊——隔音室外没人听见。

困兽之斗在心中展开，撕开乌云密布的蓝天，地狱在脚下裂开。

有谁会来救你？

有谁来结束这一切？

谷底到了吗?

等不到黎明的到来, 就让地心引力从高处吸引你, 让一切往上漂.

Broken

1. Sometimes it is weird. Like nobody ever expects me to be in art field, and I am in it. Partially.
2. Most people thought that I must be in certain kind of field. They tag me, lable me, categorise me.
3. Maybe I look good in those, but I have my own opinions sometimes.
4. It might gives you a little bit shock but it is just opinions.
5. Sometimes I feel like if I speak out, others will think that I am being rude or even mad. As if I don't look too good if I make the decision in my way.
6. I have big wild dreams. But I dare not tell you sometimes. Because you are being skeptical.
7. Maybe it is not as lucrative as professions like doctor, lawyer, engineer or whatever. But so what? It is something that I will and I want to give my passion to.
8. There was a person in my life who knew my dream and she said I have real wild dream and I should just soar high to reach it.
9. Why hesitate? Because you are not giving me my wings. I cannot fly without wings although I wish to.
10. There is no point making myself look pathetic. The path in front I need talk alone. All by myself.
11. Why do I let others hurt me again and again? Nobody would care. It is just a mask. A perfect one.

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I'll wake without you there,

Isn't something missing?

RE-blogging

I was reading friends' blog and I realised something suddenly.

I haven't been in touch with them for a while.

Well, I did see them, yc with them, talk to them but I realised I actually didn't know what was inside their hearts.

This is sadistic.

It feels like we were just friends generally but not friends literally.

Blogging actually brings back alot of fond memories.

A few years ago, FB was not established and blogs are the on top of the internet list.

Almost everyone has their own space to write and share about whatever they want.

Their life, their feeling, their experiences, their stories and etc.

Blog used to be a place to spill emotions but since FB was established, blogs die out one by one.

I have to say that I feel safer blogging than posting notes onto FB.

Writing in such open space is like nude.

Like anyone can invade your world anytime, anywhere.

Although blogs can be open to all but somehow the feeling is different.

You do not have all the buttons and news feed and notifications jamming your monitor.

You can just write quietly all on your own without rushing to reply comments just because numbers are popping out from your notifications box.

There are no one who has the right to like or dislike your post in your blog.

You can just speak out and others will read.

Just feel free to drop by anytime to update yourselves.

And from there, friends are connected in a nice way.

Understanding each other without the need of literally telling things that are difficult to utter sometimes and you just prefer to put them in words.

Blog makes people to feel so near although we are very far apart.

It is a place of eternal memories that you would like to flip through ages and ages after.

My Virgin Experience with Canon EOS 550D

Well, as you can see, this is Canon EOS 550D (EF S18-55 IS). The current digital SLR I am using for my photoshooting job.

As usual, people react quickly to new things out of curiosity. Therefore, this is the thing that most people would do when they get hold of a digital SLR, shooting their own reflection in the mirror. Haha. This is my current reflection.

Right. The story starts like this. I volunteered to be the photographer of NS Sunday programme at PBA. Actually, I was called because someone got invisible. Haha. As I had not much time left until my first photography session, I started doing some homework. I started google-ing and asking about this model camera systems and functions. Off course, a little hands-on activities would be great. I played with the camera until 4am in the morning (although photography session starts 8.30am the same day). Finally I kinda got used to the buttons after buttons. Haha. And the 'lab rats' were all the corners around my house. These are some beginner's productions.

My living room in classic mode.

My super-edited bookshelf (if you can see).

1/4 of my dining room and the grandma chair.

It looks like the first ray of light in the morning but it was my tungsten lamp outside. Haha.

Another super-edited sunrise outside my house!!

Ok. Back to my original event. They were asking for some candid and close-up shots. I was a little worried because I have coordination problem. Which means my brain and limbs don't function in parallel. Haha. Very few friends knew this but I finally make this public.

Since I had no other options but just go, I actually did do some candid shots. However, I missed a few interesting scenes as I was using short lens for close-up shots. When I was near them, they consciously avoided the lens and acted like normal. To not alert them doing stupid things and to catch their stupid moments, I changed the lens to a longer one. Thank God. I was quite successful with this longer lens. I saved some energy running up and down because I could just do a few digital zoom for distance object. However, the quality of the images produced would be relatively low. And Adobe Photoshop CS5 will come to aid for this. Haha. Computer solves problems most of the times. Oh ya. Photoshop also helps me to cover up the flaws. No choice. Amateur camera lady! (the president kept calling me camera lady because he couldn't see where was I -- my face was too small compared to EOS 550D and the sun tanned NS students) To solve my height problem, I randomly grabbed any chair of the students who went to toilet and wondered where their chairs were when they got back. Haha.

I mischievously shot their stupid and ugly faces. Haha. Coudn't disclose them here because it will be piled up into compact disc as loving memories for the students.

The aftermath of this photography session was that my legs were pain. It was like fleeting up Batu Caves stone staircase in 5 minutes just to get down before they off the light and lock the entrance. I couldn't feel my leg, not literally.

My next task is taking group photo -- without tripod. OMG. Imagine them standing on the stair case and I, on the flat floor holding 550D, hands shaking, can't see all of them in the lens. Another challenge. I tell myself silently, challenges is good in life. And it better be right.

The camera lady - weini