Re-surrection

Sometimes I need some time to think. A moment to get inside my emotion in order to face the problem and find a solution. A common name for this moment is the "emo- time". Everyone has that emo moment, but we handle it in different way. Everyone sees things in their own point of view. All of us have our own maze of life to go through.

During the emo season, our lives tend to come up with all kinds of troubles and misfortunes. Like the cables of your desktop at home all tangled up. All you try to do is untangle them but find it too impossible then wish to cut them apart but decided to just leave it because cutting them apart is simply out of mind. As you leave the cables entangled, the condition becomes worse and worse. Finally, you will not be able to untangle it anymore except cutting them apart.

This is life. Our lives do get entangled sometimes. Most of the time I will say. Before I want it cut, I will always put my head in and try to untangle all the problems in life. However, sometimes when I am too in it, I tend to act a little bit extreme. In other word, too negative in thinking. I will think that the whole world is hopeless and I am nobody here. Like coming to this world is a total mistake. Like tsunami will strike anytime and that's it. Goodbye.

As a matter of fact, emo strikes countless times but I had never experienced tsunami and the world is still standing. KLCC is still in sight everytime I reach KL. In fact, tsunami will never strike Malaysia, specifically, Kuantan - The Salted Fish Town.

If it happens, all the salted fish are gone. No more mui heong ham yu for my aunt from Singapore neither do ham yu chao fan ever exist for me to order nor ham yu tauhu from Hak Yi Gai.What's worst is no more Malaysia movie scene at Beserah kampung featuring the hamyu there so no one will visit Beserah kampung just because it came out in the movie.

When I try to think this way, positively, sometimes I still feel very bad. Like why must I always be the one who is considering and not others. But I never to give up to think positively although it doesn't serve me well most of the time. Like you never gonna give up eating KFC just because the hybrid the chickens. When I keep thinking like that, I realised something. One can always easily pick things up, but when it is time to let go, one grasp things tighter than before. Just like you never let go of the string in tug-of-war until your opponents pull you over. 

However, if you don't want to get hurt, you need to learn to let go when you know that you are about to be pulled over. Nobody is going nurse your wound when you fell down and injured except for yourself.

There are things in life that you need to face all on your own. Your family and friends might be very concern about you but they simply cannot help you. They can just give you strength to go on. Spare you shoulders when you cry, lend you ears when you need to talk.

In the end, it is us that determine when there is sunshine. I already found my sunshine.

等待...

雨又开始下，这个夜晚还有我在等待曙光的来临。

真正痛的感觉，一次就已经很足够。

成功闯进上锁的内心世界，劫走一切情感。

人类的心是个无底洞。

当你往下掉的时候，往往不知道何时才会跌到谷底，但是心已经在谷底隐隐作痛。

当你跌得头破血流，没有人愿意同情你。

同情你的人往往是带着面具来到你眼前，伸出一双手。

面具四面楚歌包围你，让你无处可躲。

你开始四处逃亡，但是找不到出口。

呐喊——隔音室外没人听见。

困兽之斗在心中展开，撕开乌云密布的蓝天，地狱在脚下裂开。

有谁会来救你？

有谁来结束这一切？

谷底到了吗?

等不到黎明的到来, 就让地心引力从高处吸引你, 让一切往上漂.

Broken

1. Sometimes it is weird. Like nobody ever expects me to be in art field, and I am in it. Partially.
2. Most people thought that I must be in certain kind of field. They tag me, lable me, categorise me.
3. Maybe I look good in those, but I have my own opinions sometimes.
4. It might gives you a little bit shock but it is just opinions.
5. Sometimes I feel like if I speak out, others will think that I am being rude or even mad. As if I don't look too good if I make the decision in my way.
6. I have big wild dreams. But I dare not tell you sometimes. Because you are being skeptical.
7. Maybe it is not as lucrative as professions like doctor, lawyer, engineer or whatever. But so what? It is something that I will and I want to give my passion to.
8. There was a person in my life who knew my dream and she said I have real wild dream and I should just soar high to reach it.
9. Why hesitate? Because you are not giving me my wings. I cannot fly without wings although I wish to.
10. There is no point making myself look pathetic. The path in front I need talk alone. All by myself.
11. Why do I let others hurt me again and again? Nobody would care. It is just a mask. A perfect one.

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I'll wake without you there,

Isn't something missing?

RE-blogging

I was reading friends' blog and I realised something suddenly.

I haven't been in touch with them for a while.

Well, I did see them, yc with them, talk to them but I realised I actually didn't know what was inside their hearts.

This is sadistic.

It feels like we were just friends generally but not friends literally.

Blogging actually brings back alot of fond memories.

A few years ago, FB was not established and blogs are the on top of the internet list.

Almost everyone has their own space to write and share about whatever they want.

Their life, their feeling, their experiences, their stories and etc.

Blog used to be a place to spill emotions but since FB was established, blogs die out one by one.

I have to say that I feel safer blogging than posting notes onto FB.

Writing in such open space is like nude.

Like anyone can invade your world anytime, anywhere.

Although blogs can be open to all but somehow the feeling is different.

You do not have all the buttons and news feed and notifications jamming your monitor.

You can just write quietly all on your own without rushing to reply comments just because numbers are popping out from your notifications box.

There are no one who has the right to like or dislike your post in your blog.

You can just speak out and others will read.

Just feel free to drop by anytime to update yourselves.

And from there, friends are connected in a nice way.

Understanding each other without the need of literally telling things that are difficult to utter sometimes and you just prefer to put them in words.

Blog makes people to feel so near although we are very far apart.

It is a place of eternal memories that you would like to flip through ages and ages after.

My Virgin Experience with Canon EOS 550D

Well, as you can see, this is Canon EOS 550D (EF S18-55 IS). The current digital SLR I am using for my photoshooting job.

As usual, people react quickly to new things out of curiosity. Therefore, this is the thing that most people would do when they get hold of a digital SLR, shooting their own reflection in the mirror. Haha. This is my current reflection.

Right. The story starts like this. I volunteered to be the photographer of NS Sunday programme at PBA. Actually, I was called because someone got invisible. Haha. As I had not much time left until my first photography session, I started doing some homework. I started google-ing and asking about this model camera systems and functions. Off course, a little hands-on activities would be great. I played with the camera until 4am in the morning (although photography session starts 8.30am the same day). Finally I kinda got used to the buttons after buttons. Haha. And the 'lab rats' were all the corners around my house. These are some beginner's productions.

My living room in classic mode.

My super-edited bookshelf (if you can see).

1/4 of my dining room and the grandma chair.

It looks like the first ray of light in the morning but it was my tungsten lamp outside. Haha.

Another super-edited sunrise outside my house!!

Ok. Back to my original event. They were asking for some candid and close-up shots. I was a little worried because I have coordination problem. Which means my brain and limbs don't function in parallel. Haha. Very few friends knew this but I finally make this public.

Since I had no other options but just go, I actually did do some candid shots. However, I missed a few interesting scenes as I was using short lens for close-up shots. When I was near them, they consciously avoided the lens and acted like normal. To not alert them doing stupid things and to catch their stupid moments, I changed the lens to a longer one. Thank God. I was quite successful with this longer lens. I saved some energy running up and down because I could just do a few digital zoom for distance object. However, the quality of the images produced would be relatively low. And Adobe Photoshop CS5 will come to aid for this. Haha. Computer solves problems most of the times. Oh ya. Photoshop also helps me to cover up the flaws. No choice. Amateur camera lady! (the president kept calling me camera lady because he couldn't see where was I -- my face was too small compared to EOS 550D and the sun tanned NS students) To solve my height problem, I randomly grabbed any chair of the students who went to toilet and wondered where their chairs were when they got back. Haha.

I mischievously shot their stupid and ugly faces. Haha. Coudn't disclose them here because it will be piled up into compact disc as loving memories for the students.

The aftermath of this photography session was that my legs were pain. It was like fleeting up Batu Caves stone staircase in 5 minutes just to get down before they off the light and lock the entrance. I couldn't feel my leg, not literally.

My next task is taking group photo -- without tripod. OMG. Imagine them standing on the stair case and I, on the flat floor holding 550D, hands shaking, can't see all of them in the lens. Another challenge. I tell myself silently, challenges is good in life. And it better be right.

The camera lady - weini